"I still think about him every single day, sometimes I think about what he’s doing or what he could be doing or is he happy. The only kind of thing I stick to is he’s done what he wanted to do, whatever the outcome and that’s the only thing that gives me any comfort, is that he took his decision. If I thought he was mentally unstable or something like that then I’d feel awful about it. To think that he controlled what he wanted to do then it just gives me some grain of comfort really and I really don’t know, he could turn up on my doorstep tomorrow."